sometimes i think i’m sassy and then i realize i’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean
but imagine at every Hogwarts party there’s a group of Hufflepuffs who don’t drink because once the party is over they walk the super drunk students home and help them to their dorms and make sure they don’t vomit on any paintings and they answer the riddle for the Ravenclaws or tap the tune for Hufflepuffs and make sure to get the passwords for Slytherins and Gryffindors and they’re just overall sweeties.
- Me: They're all idiots.
- Person: I thought you liked them
- Me: no you don't understand
A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife then called the police, and the police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis: the wife claims she was asleep, the cook was cooking breakfast, the gardener was picking vegetables, the maid was getting the mail and the butler was cleaning the closet. The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it?
my netflix wasn’t working so i called the netflix dude and after he fixed it he said let’s try it out and see if it worked so we watched an hour long movie together and idk i think it was a date
- Me: But I have about fifty books at home I haven't read, there's no reason for me to buy these.
- My brain: Okay, but consider this: more books.